Justifiable Paranoia
by Fairyfae
Summary: My First DN fic. Its another way L may have been able to slip the noose so to speak. Very slight LRatio...almost invisible although I like the pairing.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note. All may exhail a sigh of relief. I would not have done nearly as well with the characters as the original author. On that note, forgive my OOC and ignorance concerning the entire plot line. I've only read so far and am still trying to acquire the rest of the manga. Thanks. I would love feedback of any king although I would like it if you would try to be gentle. My heart breaks easily.

**Warning:** The usual spoiler although its not obvious. A minimal knowledge of the death notes rule. I believe the rule is, if a persons death is written in more than one death note, the death note that it was written in first wins.

_Thoughts are in italic_

**Justifiable Paranoia**

Raito's heart froze for a second, the single shudder of his fingers imperceptible to any possible HUMAN observer. He hadn't experienced a fear this intense since L's demise. For a mere moment, he felt the heart-stopping terror that must grip his victims at the onset of their deaths. The instinctive fear of an animal caught in the gaze of its most deadly predator. But that was ridiculous. Ratio knew that he too was a predator and that the heart-pounding adrenaline rush bordering on ecstasy was a thrill that resulted, not from fear but from exhilaration, an exhilaration born in the violent battle between two perfectly matched minds and wills. It was a feeling he hadn't had for over a year. One that he mourned more than the death of the person who spawned it in him.

Unlike his victims, Ratio's emotional paralysis lasted only a moment, its potent effects washed away by a flood of intense, righteous anger. _Damn! Damn him! _Ratio's mind screamed, infuriated by his weakness. _I will not let him haunt me! He cannot beat me! There are no such things as ghosts. I am not guilty of wrongdoing. He was the guilty one! He could have joined me! He was intelligent. He should have seen the good Kira could accomplish. His death was his own fault...HIS OWN FAULT! If he suspected I was his enemy, it's his own fault for trusting me, for pulling me close. _

"Raito. Anything interesting?"

Raito shook his head, silently tucking the letter into his sleeve. The light afternoon breeze was doing more to ruffle his hair than his thoughts were doing to ruffle his outward composure. "No dad. Just bills and junk. Does Saya really need all these magazines?" Ratio's father chuckled.

Offering a warm but empty smile to his father, Ratio silently chastised himself. He'd been standing outside examining yesterday's mail too long. He cursed inwardly. He couldn't even tell when the letter had been delivered thanks to the habit he had developed of picking up mail from the previous day early in the currentmorning. Ratio snorted to himself. His mother did have a purpose after all. What a horrible time for her and Saya to be in the 'facility.' Did the mailman deliver it or was it slipped into the mail later. _AAAHhhhhhhhh...I can't even use the equipment at the office to check for fingerprints. Not that his fingerprints are on file anywhere. _

Ratio barely restrained himself from pulling his own hair out by the roots. _NOT THAT HE'S ALIVE! What am I worried about? He can't be alive. This is just paranoia. He's been dead for over a year. It can't be him. _

"Dad. You go ahead and go to headquarters without me. I'll join you soon. I can't miss my World Economics class today. We have a test." Ratio studiously ignored the twisting, writhing Shinigami behind him.

"What is it Ratio! Huh! What did you slip into your sleeve?" Ryuk's curiosity, his reason for existance, was eating him alive. Well, his curiosity and his need for apples was eating him alive.

"Alright son. See you at headquarters later this afternoon."

Ratio waved pleasantly to his father, watchingthe older man'sdeparture before turning smoothly in the other direction. He would walk to schooltoday. If the contortionist act Ryuk was giving was any indication, it had been too long between apples. He would have to buy one on the way to school. They had none at home and the trip would give him some time to think.

"Someone is trying to play with my mind Ryuk." the dark Shinigami snickered in glee at the dark glimmer in Ratio's eyes.

"Really!" Ratio'sstatement made Ryuk squirm even more, his anticipation of confrontations to comeprodding his malshapen body"You HAVE been more entertaining oflate. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were afraid."

Ryuk froze in fascination. That statement received a pause-worthy response. The subtle tilt of Ratio's head and the darkening of his eyes were a sure and silent threat. Not thatRyuk was scared of the human but it was something to behold -- captivating in its hidden cruelty. He had yet to encounter another creature as fascinating as Ratio. Well, no creature except for L maybe. But...

"Ryuk?" Ryuk wondered how such a smooth, low pitchedvoice could sound so menacing.

"Hmmmm?

"If you want an apple today, I need you to do me a favour."

"Ryuk's eyes seemed to glow from within, "Apple!"

"Yes Ryuk." Ratio mumbled in a tone of beleaguered patience, "An apple. I need you to fly up and make sure no one is following me."

Ryuk cocked an uneven eyebrow, "Again Ratio? It's been forever since you had me do that." Ryuk fought a moment with his curiosity before, inevitably, giving into it. "Why now?"

"Just do it."

Ryuk huffed but complied. Struggling in his twisted form, he raised up into the sky. He could see nothing out of the ordinary. Returning to the ground, he spoke, "There is no one. Come on Ratio. What is this about?"

Ratio just shook his head. "Nothing, Ryuk. Forget about it."

Ratio paused suddenly as he watched the shinny red object role across the ground only to stop upon impacting his foot.

"Apple!" Ryuk screamed.

Cautiously, Ratio bent down to retrieve the imperfect sphere. His fingers gently grasped the object, the lightly calloused tips sinking into what seemed to be cuts. Carefully, he stood, turning the apple in his palm to examine it.

Eyes widened as he threw the apple at the Shinigami, "Eat it Ryuk! Eat it all!"

Confused but grateful, Ryuk devoured the unexpected treat without a thought.

Ratio stopped walking towards the school and turned his footsteps towards the park. He needed to be alone. He would come up with some excuse later. Again, Ratio's heart was pounding and this time it did not slowor easy. _Who would be fooling with him like this? Who would know what to say? It had to be someone on the investigation team. He thought he had cleared himself of suspicion. He knew he should of killed them by now. Who would DARE!_

Ratio found a shaded area before he gave into temptation and lowered his head into his hands. The words painstakingly carved into the apples ripe skin kept flashing in his mind.

HERE IS A GIFT FOR THE GOD OF DEATH. EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE SOMETHING THEY LOVE.

He was sure of it now. Someone was following him. Someone that knew him. Someone that knew L. Someone that knew his lingering and mixed feelings towards the deceased detective. Someone that knew Ratio regularly bought applies.Someone who could provide them and disappear without a trace.

Lately,Ratio had felt them...those eyes...those dark, impenetrable eyes. He had loved them, hadhated them and still desperately missed them -- L's eyes. No matter how much or how wellRatio planned, he could never escape their gaze. Even the last time he saw L, those eyes seemed to be examining, judging him. For a long time now,Ratio had felt watched. Well, he always felt watched and understandably so. But this...this was different.This act was physical. A visual stripping, a virtual stroking that seemed to examine and understand all ofhimat once. Only L had ever been able to look at him like that-- HADbeing the operative word.

Ratio closed his eyes. The only way to get over this groundless paranoia was to use the clues to find out exactly who was watching him. The facts do not lie and the factsnever say 'the dead man did it.'

"Are you going to look at it now?"

Ratio barely restrained himself from jumping right out of his skin at the sound of the Shinigami's voice so close to his ear. He really was hard put if a simple voice could startle him now. Ratio turned to rebuke the specter only to stop short at the rampant anticipation inthe buggy eyes. Instantly suspicious, Ratio looked around. The only thing he could see were trees, birds and the back of some gentleman seated on the other side of the park. There was nothing that could possibly spark the ancient's interest.

"What's up with you Ryuk?" Ryuk just chuckled and looked wicked in his anticipation.

"Look...look." the Shinigami urged, pointing enthusiastically at the letter.He wasn't even pushing for that other apple Ratio promised. Things were about to get interesting again. He was sure of it. His Shinigami eyes told him so.

Defenses up, Ratio focused sharply on the creature. Finally, unable to determine anything from the other's unnatural countenance, Ratio sighed and turned his focus to his shirtsleeve.

With a seemingly misplaced reverence, Ratio pulled out the letter and again examined the front. All in all, it looked rather normal. The address, although scrawled carelessly using what appeared to be an occasionally dysfunctional ballpoint pen, medium-tipped, was correct. The envelope was a standard white and the postage could be traced to the post office around the corner...he was sure of it. None of this held his attention for long. Nevertheless, he was captivated by the front of the letter. Particularly, the top line in the address captivated him.

_**To Ratio-kun, My first and only Friend**_

Respectfully, lost in memories that brought too many conflicting emotions, Ratio dragged a finger across that line. _Its impossible...there is no way. There is no way he could be alive. _

Ryuk's snickering brought Ratio out of his daze. Without being too obvious, Ratio slid his gaze to the side to examine his long-time associate, only to see the mini-god looking at the man across the park. Ratio felt his stomach sink as the creatures undead eyes turned to stare back at him. There was too much joy in them. Things that Ryuk relished portend ill for someone and there were only two people in the park at the moment. Ratio tried to examine the man a little more closely but really, he was too far away to see well. All you could perceive at this distancewere shape and color, hardly enough to go by in an identification. He was much to far away to be any danger. Afterall, if Ratio could not see him clearly, he could not see Ratio clearly either.

Putting his ill-conceived feelings aside, Ratio scoffed at himself. His paranoia was really starting to get to him. He was finding any excuse not to open that letter. Such behavior was pathetic in a human, much less a god. Fortified by his own convictions, Ratio briskly turned the letter over and opened it with perfect efficiency. In one smooth movement, the contents were tipped into the open palm of his left hand.

_WHAT!_

Ratio starred in disbelief. He recognized the paper without ever opening it. He knew it, the feel and texture of it were intimately familiar. _THERE IS NO WAY!_

Trembling openly for the first time in his life, Ratio meticulously unfolded the page so obviously torn from a notebook -- a death note to be specific. As the ragged edges became visible, so too did the words. Ratio could not tear his eyes from the text, the words that could very well proclaim the impossible. Even when he heard the crisp sound of shoes trodding over brittle, fallen leaves, even when he saw a pant leg in his peripheral vision, Ratio could not look away. There, in the writing of a dead man, the same writing that adorned the front of the envelope, were the words

**_Ryuuzaki  Will suffer a slight heartattck when attacked by a Shinigami _**_**only to die peacefully of a stroke many years laterwhile sleeping on April 1, **_**_2079. Earlier that night, he will settle all his unfinished _**_**business and will have time to say goodbye to all remaining **__**friends and family. **_

To the riotous sound of Ryuk's laughter, Ratio swallowed spit. Denial continued to flood his being with ice and fire as warm, supple fingers lightly grasped his chin. His face was forced upward and his eyes werecaptured by two orbs of fathomless depth. _Impossible._

"Hello Ratio-kun."


End file.
